Diary 16th October 2014

PS This post contains NSFW in the form of Self Harm.

Well after a quite interesting BUT upsetting night, I got up . I kept singign to my self, "Let It Go", from the film Frozen(Review here). It did work for my homophobia trauma. But why couldn't it work for this particular time. I don't understand. I even attempted "O Danny Boy". So I got up earlier than schedule. I had got a voicemail from my Mom yesterday saying taht both she and Dad would be going to Lidl to get Trows(I had previously mentioned this a few days ago to her). I love me some throws. mmmm. So I was between circles as to whetere or not to go up to Lidls without Dad or with. So to make a long story short, I went up with Dad.

So to get ready, I first showered. I had my nice emotive realsiing pain ie self harm. Scratching my Mom, Mariana n the two Brendans initials. My sis has been done. While doing the letter M, It wasn't doing anything, until I realsied there was a scratch NO pain thou. So I saw a bit of hair on my knuckles, that I wanted to remove. When I attempted several times, I nicked meself thereby relasiing the pain.

Then Dad collected me, we had a nice we chat of which on the way, I asked Dad if my Uncle(His brother) Reggie, had been "doing up" pigs. I had been getting dreams and nightmares from this and showing the guts of the pig over a barrel. To my surprise shock n horror, he actually DID. So to think my dreams and nightmare was actually TRUE. Wonder what else would be true in my PAST dreams I have posted. So we went to Lidls first. He treated me to a grub and my babes, clothing too. We then went into Tescos too. I didn't get much there. So we went back to his gaf. I haven't been there since September almost a month now. So we went on home. And on the way an Electric Blanket. While up in the house, Mom was trying to figure whats wrong wtih me. I just said its bullying. So Mom brought back my old bully days. In that MOm and her sister Maureen(Nun) brought me down to their family home town(Baltiginfalss) the slaney to teach me to say "FUck Off" to the bully. So with this, she was in the inclancnation. That I jsut simply stare him firmly as if I was going to say a few words and say "SO WHAT"

I then had a bit of time to look at TV ie the Budget reaction on Current Affairs. Then I headed on to the Outhouse for a bit. I met Brendan O' F. While waiting for him, I bumped into Mike. PS UPDATE, he LOVES my puppies. So he's DEFO staying on my list. Regarding Bernard, I'll ask. Continuing on, while waiting for O' Farrell, I bumped into Barry. Was great to see him. He obv knows whats going on with me. He did suggest that people can be nasty. But what I added was that Paul the main culprit, wasn't just the trigger but a guy I actually paid for in terms of cups of teas, etc., was part of the stabber in teh back. That really killed me. So the prhase that Barry's father came up with, which I quite agree, "Laugh, and pepole will laugh with you, BUT cry and your alone". THis I quite agree. In that when my Uncle went last year, I cried myself to sleep ALONE. When I was alughting, I was looking at Mrs. BRown's with my sis last year too BUT ended up in hospital ER with back pain(spasms), was diagnosed then with Scoliosis. So after awhile, O' Farrell showed up. Barry headed off. After awhile, I encountered Paul, the main cuplrit, who don't have the balls to confront me. Well by jaysis as I live and breath and wright this post, he actually showed up. He said hello to Brendan BUT IMMEDISIRALTY turned his head. He couldn't even look at me. He was that disgusted EITHER with himself(I DOUBT IT) or whatever. So afterwards, I said to O' Farrell, I wanna get outta here. So I finished my Green Tea, but as it happens Brendan wanted to look up his FB. So Paul headed on off. I heard him chatting to Mike quietly. So I made sure to hear anything that was being said. Outhouse is a PUBLIC place, so why whisper as me ma would say. So Brendan and I headed onto to see Dracula Untold(Review here). So I left him to the bus after the film.